How You Show Up Matters: Putting Connection Before Screens
How to move from distracted presence to meaningful connection
How many times have you sat somewhere, physically present but mentally elsewhere?
Maybe like me, you watch your children completely absorbed in their screens, wanting them to engage with the world around them.
This disconnect we experience isn't unique to our generation. It's the paradox of our time: feeling isolated in a world of constant connectivity.
The Screen Time Reality
We spend an average of 17 years of our lives on our phones. Thanks to unlimited data plans, our eyes feast on Netflix, Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok.
Australians average 5.5 hours daily on their phones. Gen Z leads with 7.3 hours, followed by millennials and Gen Xers at 6 hours daily. Those born before 1965 show significantly less screen time—perhaps they've mastered something we haven't yet.
We pick up our phones 58 times daily. I confess, while writing this, I've already checked my phone 10 times between paragraphs. But who can we blame? Phones have become essential—our banking, safety, food ordering, work—everything lives in this small device.
The Connection Paradox
Isn't it ironic? In this world of constant connection, we feel what we've lost more acutely than what we've gained.
That overwhelming feeling of having everything yet missing something vital. Constant pinging and push notifications create walls between us and our loved ones, not bridges.
Finding balance seems complicated, but it doesn't have to be.
The Human Cost
Motorola's 2018 Phone-Life Balance Study surveyed 4,418 smartphone users globally. They found that while 60% say it's important to have a life separate from phones, 65% admit they "panic" when they think they've lost their device.
More telling: 29% confess that when not using their phone, they're "thinking about using it or planning the next time they can use it."
Sound familiar?
Your Personal Phone Coach
We can't all hire phone coaches, but we can become our own. If you recognise that screen time is stealing your connections, it's never too late to make a different choice.
I used to think older relatives were simply complaining about technology. Then I realised: they weren't criticising my phone use. They were asking for my presence. Even when physically present, I was mentally absent.
I love listening to people's stories and experiences. That's when I knew I was missing precious moments. So I shifted my approach: I started listening more, making myself truly available to the people in my life—not just present in the room, but genuinely with them.
Practical Ways to Reconnect
1. Think Before You Speak
Spend moments considering what you'd like to ask or share with your loved one:
"I realised I don't know much about how life was for you before you married Mum?"
"We've all been so busy lately that I haven't taken time to just sit and chat. How's your new garden going?"
"Over the holiday, I was thinking about the fun times we used to have as children..."
2. Listen More Than You Speak
We're hardwired to talk about ourselves. It's like playing Super Mario, trying to level up with our version of events.
The temptation to talk about ourselves is almost irresistible, but genuine connection requires active listening. When we truly listen, relationships reach new depths.
Try these approaches:
"What are your thoughts on...?"
"How would you react if you were in my position?"
"How do you feel about this...?"
3. Create Device-Free Zones
Make intentional choices:
No phones during meals
Turn devices face down during conversations
Put phones on 'Do Not Disturb' during family time
Create phone parking stations during gatherings
4. Quality Over Quantity
Five minutes of undivided attention often means more than an hour of distracted company. When you're with someone, be fully with them.
5. Practice the Art of Being Present
Being present isn't passive—it's an active choice. It means:
Making eye contact
Responding to what's actually said
Noticing non-verbal cues
Giving your full attention
It's Never Too Late
There isn't a better time to consider those who mean most to us and how we can strengthen those connections. It's never too late to rekindle connections and make them shine again.
The goal isn't to eliminate technology from our lives—that's neither practical nor necessary. It's about being intentional with how we use it and ensuring our devices serve our relationships, not the other way around.
Your Next Connection Moment
Start small. Today, choose one interaction where you'll put your phone away completely. Notice the difference in quality, in depth, in satisfaction.
Your loved ones aren't asking for perfection. They're asking for your presence. They want to know that when you're with them, you're truly with them.
That's how you show it matters.
Remember: connection doesn't happen by accident. It happens by design.
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